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Ashtray Daydreams

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3/28/11 11:59 am

" Mother's words before she passed, she said to me ' I wonder what it would be like if we had a monitor instead of a head.' "
         -- Micheal Haneke, Seventh Continent

             Rather profound to think of your thoughts projecting always to an audience; though, I suppose we would learn to disinfect our reveals as we do with the medium of language. However, more intriguing a concept to me, would be having a monitor to see your own thought- as snuff films of streaks of violence, grotesque pornography, etc. But, even so this immense shock of exposure, I can't help but thinks it would only at best measure against the safety between media, and the always-very-different actuality.

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             Sometimes I wonder why I'm interested in philosophy and arts, as there's the same power dialectic in such a community as there is elsewhere.  But I don't think that's the idea, here. More so, I think I'm disinterested in thinking and speaking about myself- or I'm just burnt out on it entirely. My perspective has moved above me, putting me in some sort of third person, but I'm indistinguishable among the population which I've empathy for. But, I've discoursed now to thinking about myself and my mind as two entities. This is a journal though, designed for my abstractions, not for well-adjusted riff-raff- I do enough for that at the pubs.

            It's strange how somebody can tell I am from New York instantaneously, before judgment by my dress, or my accent. Must be an abnormal state of being, presence and energy surrounding me. Or, that I'm the only one not gushing over the weather with a big smile on my face. I do enjoy the weather, but my mind is always elsewhere when I am walking alone. There's a romanticism of New York pedestrians, walking in separate worlds without acknowledging anyone else- briskly walking to the next stop in the hyperfunctional area of nyc. I admire small towns though, it's oddly pleasant having everyone know you, what you eat, what you do, and the likes. And, with my band mates and my love moving down here in a few months, I'm absolutely content.

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To all of my new friends, I welcome you and thank you for reading.
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